The concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) was first defined by Peter Salovey and John Mayer, but it became widely popular after Daniel Goleman published his best seller "Emotional Intelligence" in 1995. A definition of emotional intelligence is "Knowing how you and others feel and what to do about it."

The control center of our emotions is a small part of our brain called the amygdala. It scans incoming signals from our sensory organs (eyes, ears, etc.) and acts as the emotional alarm center of our body. When it detects a condition that we hate, that we fear, or that could hurt us, it triggers an immediate response from the other parts of our brain that control our actions. The amygdala's extensive web of neural connections allows it, during an emotional emergency, to take control of much of the rest of the brain – including the rational mind. This explains why we sometimes do things "without thinking", like closing our eyes just before a flying bug hits our face or losing our control during the course of a quarrel.

Emotions are essential for good decision making and to preserve harmony around us. We admire people with nerves of steel who have the ability to control their emotions when they face pressure, arguments or aggression. We also enjoy being with people who can express empathy, compassion, cooperation and forgiveness. We need these emotions to be happy in our professional life as much as we need them in our private life.

The majority of problems at work are caused by unmet emotional needs. The emotionally intelligent manager knows how to identify and manage the emotional needs of both the customers and his team. He wants to help others feel respected, acknowledged, supported, helped, trusted, appreciated, important, special, irreplaceable, useful, needed and valued. When our emotional needs are satisfied we feel better, and when we feel better we are more productive, motivated, patient, creative, cooperative, open-minded, flexible, understanding, caring, empathic and compassionate.

Emotional intelligence requires that we expand our abilities in five main domains:

1. Self-awareness – being aware of our emotions as they happen
2. Managing emotions –  keeping a healthy balance of emotion and rational thinking
3. Motivating oneself – harnessing our emotions in the service of a goal that transcends our ego
4. Recognizing emotions in others – empathy is the fundamental interpersonal skill
5. Handling relationships – managing emotions in others increases our popularity, our leadership and our interpersonal effectiveness

All humans need to feel respected, even the least powerful. To show respect to someone we must respect their feelings. It means asking how they would feel before making decisions which affect them. For example, when two people have agreed to handle a project in a certain way, if one of them thinks later on that he has found a better way, he should discuss it with the other person before making any changes in the original action plan.

It is essential to show respect to customers. Customers not only want to be respected, they also want to feel important. They want to be remembered. They want to be satisfied, helped, understood.

Annual reviews are good occasions to get feedback from employees on how they feel about the management style of the company. Key items to track include whether they feel respected or controlled, supported or criticized, appreciated or judged.

Eric Dieny is President of EMS Consulting executive search firm, Chairman of the Consulting Services Committee of the American Chamber of Commerce in Taipei, and a former co-Chairman of the China Business Committee and the Labor Affairs Committee of the same Chamber.

A version of this article was published in the China Post --  the leading English newspaper in Taiwan, on March 19-20, 1999.

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